My mental state is usually pretty good, but I am prone to bouts of anxiety. This seems heightened especially while studying, as I get stuck in my own head for long periods of time. Don’t get me wrong, I like being in my head, and I enjoy long and deep periods of thinking. Sometimes though, it all becomes too much. My head becomes too crowded, and the thoughts stop being useful and start being intrusive. When it gets like this, they don’t flow calmly and sedately from one topic to another. It’s like my brain is on steroids; it starts hyperactively bouncing from one thing to the next. You can see it in my writing, too. It gets long, it gets wordy, and it doesn’t always make sense. In my speech it just means I go on and on and on, because I have so much to say and just as I think I’m done something else pops into my head. This is what I’ve been working on resolving in my life right now.
When my brain gets this busy, I can’t concentrate on one thing for too long. I get restless. Sometimes my chest gets tight and I don’t feel like I’m getting enough air. I forget things as simple as locking the door, or turning off the oven. It’s actually really scary in that way. But, I know myself well, and I know that all I need to do to break the cycle is to say to myself, hey. Chill. You’re OK. It’s pretty tough to take a backward step in your career at a life-stage where most people are moving forward, and as a result I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed in my studies.
So, recently I have started focusing my energy in grounding myself. At about midday, I step away from the computer and the books and either meditate or practice yoga in the living room. I plan to take more walks when the weather improves, too. For now, as my next exam draws closer, I just need to remember one thing.
…Writing is about dealing with dark things, but also trying to find hope. Trying to find the light in the darkness to hold onto. For me, I just find writing about it helps me to see the good things in the world as well.
– David Wright